Thursday, September 11, 2008

9/11

i feel like in the light of 9/11 i should write something profound, something meaningful and memorable to commerate what happened on that day. i was pregnant with carson, but still unaware. i was attending the university of arkansas in fayetteville and living in the shittiest dorm ever. i went to use the community bathroom (think tons of naked chicks all the time. srsly, all the time. i wouldn't let j come to the dorm it was so bad) and some (naked) chic was screaming about the twin towers collapsing. i just stared at her and then ran back to my room and turned on the tv and picked up the phone to call my dad. i saw the first tower crumbling and was just absolutely in shock. i saw the second plane hit and the tower fall, heard everyone screaming, saw the huge cloud of dust. physically felt the pain as thousands of human lives were snuffed out like so much dust surrounding the area.
i called my dad, who was in the air force, in a panic. "what do i do? do i go to class? do i come home? what's going to happen?" he told me to go to class, but keep my head down. there were absolutely no arab students to be seen that day.
i write about this because carson told me today, on his way to a haircut, "did you know that a long time ago, when i was still in your tummy, people in planes died?" i was half-listening, "no, what?" i said, noncommital. "the twin towers. they got knocked down by planes and lots of people died. we learned about it in school." i froze. i looked at him in the mirror and he was earnestly staring at me, brown eyes wide. "did you know that, mom? do you remember? i think i heard to planes hit while i was in your belly. i remember."
part of me is glad he is educated about the terrors that can befall people any day, to keep him aware and awed by our country's sheer LUCK that we don't have to go through this kind of tragedy daily, like in rwanda or ethiopia. we have food, if not a lot of money. we have a house, a cat that's a pet and not a future food source. we have a car and medicines to control our chronic health problems. his adhd and ella's eczema and j and i's seizures, all controllable (hopefully) by medication, still make us lucky. lucky that we can even think about, nag and bitch about, trivial problems like that. and rejoice that we still have all of our limbs, our eyes, our family. that the militia can't come kill us for using birth control or talking bad about our government.
and part of me is horrified that a small part of his childhood has been eaten by this tragedy. and yet i feel egotistical just typing that. because thousands of children weren't affected, tiffany? because they didn't lose parents or family members or their own lives? get a grip. why should he be unaffected?
but i wish he were. that we all were. and to everyone who suffered unduly for bin ladin's sake on 9/11, i am so truly sorry for you.

2 comments:

Casey said...

It scares me that we brought kids into the world when things like this happen. I'm hoping that our kids aren't affected by the evil things in the world, the same way my parents worried about us, but I know they will be subjected to it no matter what I do. It sucks.

Supervised Mama said...

While I was pregnant my neice asked my if I knew that on the new some lady put her baby in the oven. It just broke my heart knowing that that was flosting aroung in my little 6 year old neices head. How do you explain that to a little kid, I don'e even understand it. I just wish we could sheild our little ones forever.