Friday, September 12, 2008

spin cycle...embarassment

ok, this one is so effing cringeworthy. not even kidding. i'm seriously blushing just thinking of this and now i'm thinking of lying. but ya'll have to trust me, this really happened.
so. j and i have been together since i was 18 and he was almost 20. we met when i was in sixth grade and he was in eighth, and sat across from each other in study hall. he's an amazing artist, and can do caricatures of people in about 2 seconds flat, and taught me how. but he was two years older than me and didn't see the worship behind the stirrup pants and vests and big glasses, and it didn't work out til he'd already graduated. but anyway.
so i was a really good girl in high school. didn't party, no sex, no girls gone wild (much....i was a varsity cheerleader, ya'll. some of those rumors are spread for a reason). i was always the "babysitter," the "smart one," the "Tif, can i see your chemistry homework" one. and i hated it. i wanted to just cut loose....but softly, if you get me. no waking up hung over staring in horror at the person next to me or anything. just....not so national honor society. and then j and i started dating and i got my chance.
so we'd been together MONTHS at this point, and things had...progressed, if you get me. and things happened to...progress...that day. in his bedroom, upstairs. while unbeknownst to me, his parents were downstairs. their house is over 100 years old with hardly any insulation. noises aren't muffled. ever. and i was a little too into the...progression. unaware i had an audience.
my cheeks are so red right now, remembering this.
so....i catch on, hearing them through the vents after the progression had progressed out. and i am so mortified my plan is to a) go out the window and over the roof to my car, not all that unfeasible, really, or b)sneak out the back door through the kitchen and sprint around the house. i was all for a but jason made me compromise on b. so he talks me downstairs (not an innuendo, pervs) and i'm getting ready to sneak through the kitchen when that RAT FINK BASTARD gets an evil look/smirk and says "just a minute." i catch on immediately and tell him no effing way, but he grabs my hand and YANKS me into the living room, laughing and saying "meet your audience, babe!"
no i'm not kidding. and it gets worse. infinitely worse.
so now i'm dead, and i'm sitting on the couch not looking at anyone but my own lap, blushing so red i could maybe actually die from it. i have red hair so it's uber obvious when i'm emotional at all. jason's dad is a red head too, and was usually nice, so when he started asking me questions i jumped on answering them, trying to change the subject.
"it sure is hot today, eh, tif?" i agreed. still blushing. "yeah....i hate it when the weather gets this hot, don't you," he continues. i agree again, and add, "yeah, it gets too hot to do anything." he smirks and says "really? BECAUSE IT'S NOT TOO HOT FOR SCROGGIN', NOW IS IT?"
And then i died. for real. this post is brought to you by my ghost incarnate.
the end.
edited to add (to see if i have figured out how to link WITH NO HELP FROM YA'LL....jen has these spin cycles every friday. ya'll should play, too.


Sprite's Keeper said...

I am standing up and clapping right now. To be heard by your in-laws before they are your in-laws? And you can still face them today? Bravo, girl! I can't stop laughing!
You're linked!

Casey said...

OMG, that's terrible. I'm embarrassed for you, just hearing the story. It must have been hard to look his parents in the eye for a long time after that sexcapade.

Alyce said...

Thanks for the laugh! That was hilarious! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that though. I grew up in an old house like that, and I can totally picture it. (Aak! Not picturing that! Um..Picturing the house!) Totally blushing over here!

HarryJack's Mom said...

You are a strong woman. The closest I ever got to the parents knowing was when the boyfriend answered some questions about stress relief on an insurance questionnaire, and I was still mortified to know that they KNEW, ya know? You win, so far!

tif said...

yeah. it was a fun time. except switch "fun" for "please, God, kill me now."

Debbie said...

Oh my.

I'm sure you can laugh at it now, but I would have been devastated.

And I've never heard it called "scroggin."

Allinole said...

Oh my! I can't even imagine! How awful.

Mama P said...

I would KILLLLLL James.

Krystal aka Mommy K said...

OMG!!!! This is worse than my MIL (not my MIL at the time) walking in on my and hubby at the time. (To this day I still cannot hear the song I wanna know - it was playing that time! LOL)

I think an audience and having to talk afterwards is beyond mortifying! Glad you made it through this though

Fran said...

My in-laws lived on the beach,small house no Air...Were in his bedroom(front of the house) Their on front porch. We heard them and they heard us....I never understand his mothers comments..She called me aggressive and forward? She was snarkey like Jen.

HeatherPride said...

Oh my god, I just died a little bit for you. Oh no. Definitely one of those want-to-crawl-in-a-hole and DIE moments.

Poor you.

KS said...

I would have died!

But it's a funny story.

Brandi said...

I know that was hard to share...but gosh damn that was funny! I think I even blushed a little HA! Great story!