Monday, September 8, 2008

tit squeeze '08

so.....i now look like i'm 80. big flat tubesock boobies that feel like they're getting rugburn. i went in and they were all, "well, since you're so young we are just going to do an ultrasound, m'kay? we don't want to do a mammogram if we don't absolutely have to." i was ok with no squeezage, so i agreed. so my radiology tech and i got VERY friendly and she showed me the whole inside of both boobs (kind of cool, really). there was a cyst but nothing major. they said to wait and the dr. would come talk to me and then i was done.



LIARS.



the radiology tech comes in about 5 minutes later and says, "the dr. wants you to have a mammogram." and smiles like it's fucking christmas. eh? did i miss something? i told her " i thought we weren't doing that. since i'm so young, and all." she averts her eyes and says "the dr. just thinks it would be a good idea."



AWESOME.



so i go back to the waiting room, which is now full of old women in their little capes of boob showage, like mine, only they weren't wearing robes. now i'm definitely getting some new girls in the future, if you know what i'm saying. we'll be starting a fund for that today on the other side of the blog. jesus. i get called back (and by now my aunt is officially freaking the fuck out, convinced i'm dying) and this way to a way too chipper lady who keeps violating my boobage and squishing the ever. living. shit. out. of them. i swear to god they squished out so far they looked like dinner plates. jen asked in the comments a couple days ago what fruit to compare them to, and i guess a honeydew (her first guess) is pretty close. only now it's more like a serving platter.

the good news is that they saw the cyst, and some dilated ducts, but no cancer or anything scary. they said there's a possibility i may have a papilloma (sp?), which is a small tumor that grows inside dilated ducts and can cause nipple discharge, my reason for going (sorry for the TMI). i guess they can run a small operative camera THROUGH MY NIPPLE to see. i declined. probably not politely.

so i guess i'm good? now i'm gonna go ice my girls and maybe eat a salad off them.
before the torture....and after.

4 comments:

Casey said...

That sounded painful. Glad to hear things turned out well! :)

Sprite's Keeper said...

Well, look on the bright side, the serving platter is still round. You could have gone swollen and ended up with watermelons. (Dude, what is it with me and fruit lately?!?!)
Glad to hear the girls are better.
I'll just hug my own this time.

Steph said...

In a word? "Ow!"

Kim Moldofsky said...

Sorry you had to go through this. What a pain, literally. Ugh. Glad you are okay! Never heard of that nipple cam. Ouch!