Tuesday, December 8, 2009

fair is a four letter word

Well. I have struggled this last week and a half. Depression, insomnia, what-if's keeping me up at night, fighting to stay awake during the day. Thinking that pediatric nursing and I may need to file papers and go separate ways.
I'm sitting outside of Wonderboy's school right now, where he will run out with his enormous backpack and equally enormous Tuesday homework assignment. He will beam smiles and tell me about his day. But its another little boy I'm thinking of.
This little boy was-is-a WARRIOR. At 11 months he has been through what no adult should face. Surgeries, extensive hospital stays, infections, feeding tubes. Trying-and failing-to make him better. To make him a healthy little boy who could eat cake at his birthday.
My husband tells me to not get so attached. I told him to rock a baby for 3 nights a week for months and NOT get attached.
Last Tuesday was his funeral. It was beautiful and devastating. His tiny shoes were in a boquet of white roses. And today is his birthday. His first birthday.
We love you, moo. Eat a whlole sheet cake for us. You've earned it.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

3 comments:

Evenspor said...

*hugs*

Jeff & Tisha said...

I'm sorry Tiffany.....I'm tearing up reading this. I couldn't do what you do, seeing the abuse of babies by uncaring unfeeling druggie parents, sick babies that nothing fixes...I just can't do it. I'm so so sorry. I hope it gets better. I know it is hard.

Mama Badger said...

Thank you for being the person that takes care of our kids when we desperately need help. I'm sure this little guys parents appreciate all the hard work you did to try to help him, and all the love you gave him while you could.

I understand where you husband is coming from, but part of me thinks that the more attached the drs and nurses get, the harder we all fight for these little lives.