Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I am hollow.

though I do not attend a denominational church, or any church now for a while, I am taking comfort in these verses. Last night I held the hand of a father as, weeping, we said goodbye to his baby girl. Just seven years old, and a true warrior, one who has defied her diagnosis and kicked her prognosis in the face for weeks now. But in the end she couldn't hold out, and left us for a better place.
Friday morning, as I gave her medication, she stopped breathing. She reached up-with hands she had been unable to move for weeks-and held the hand of what she later confirmed was an angel. There was such a peaceful, serene look on her face. She started breathing again in about a minute, and let the hand go. Yesterday, she talked to that angel all day. Last night, it took her home.

Treasures in Jars of Clay

    But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. so then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

    It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."[b]With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence...

    therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

The other verse I love right now is "and I said, oh that I may have the wings of a dove, so that I can fly away, and be at peace." this seems especially apt as her daddy was showing me pictures of her in butterfly wings, happy as a lark.
This job is so hard. So emotional. I love these kids so truly, and it scoops me out and leaves me bleeding to lose one. I have been with this girl, this family, since this child was diagnosed. Held their hands and taught her to swallow pills in pudding. Spoon fed, then syringe fed her. Suctioned her mouth when she couldn't eat anymore. Laughed with her as, both in purple, we hung out at her Make a Wish party.
And last night, I kissed her goodbye.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

1 comment:

lindseyfair said...

you took the words right out of my heart. Taking care of these little ones takes a big heat and endless compassion. My dear, you possess them both In spades. You are not alone and now instead of you watching over her, she is watching over you.